Roseanne’s Morning Show Debut Blows “The View” Out of the Water

Fox Entertainment hit a home run when they made a deal with Roseanne Barr. The American public, tired of the wokeness infecting the nation, needed something better than Whoopi Goldberg and “The View” for their morning television, and they got it.

Roseanne’s new show, “Barr None,” debuted on their streaming network at a 5.8, which is more than 13 points ahead of ABC’s totals for The View on April 6th of last year. “That comparison means we beat the pants off them,” said Showrunner Joe Barron, “Whoopi is sitting in her safe space having a good cry as we speak.”

The show featured an opening monologue, which leaned heavily on the wise words of Donald Trump, followed by a few skits from popular personalities like Rob Schneider and Scott Baio. Kid Rock was the musical guest, allowing Roseanne to use nearly a minute of one of his songs while she did an homage to the January 6 prisoners.

It was a lovely show. The audience all laughed, cried, and screamed in anger at the Muslims in Congress, for some reason, before chanting “Impeach Biden” for a solid five minutes, which is how this masterpiece of television ended.

“It was beautiful,” said Barron, “We hit nearly every talking point in just under an hour. I’m a little bit concerned about we’re gonna do tomorrow, but it doesn’t really matter.”

It sure doesn’t. According to Nielsen, Roseanne’s audience has an average IQ of about 67, with a high score of 104 for the guy who sold them all rapture insurance.

it was a great day for the culture wars, patriots. We’re definitely winning. God Bless America.

Related Posts

Farmyard Mayhem: Ferret vs. Rooster with a Curious Cat Spectator

Bloodcurdling screams rip through the barnyard. Feathers explode into the air as a ferret lunges, jaws locked onto a panicked rooster twice its size. Animals scatter. Dust…

Sad News From Texas, George W. Bush was confirmed as…

Former President George W. Bush grimaced as the ball left his hand, and the stadium roared with laughter. They thought it was just a bad pitch. They…

Van Dyke Secretly Shaped Every Childhood You Thought Was Your Own

For decades, Dick Van Dyke has not merely been an actor; he has served as the universal architect of childhood joy across multiple generations. As the lovable…

THE SAD STORY OF SAMANTHA FOX! 2s

The glamour was a lie. Samantha Fox now admits the 80s posters, platinum hits and red carpets hid a life slowly cracking under pressure. Behind the smiles…

Mike Pence Reappears in Public as Political Divisions 3s

Former U.S. Vice President Mike Pence has returned to the public spotlight with renewed comments on the future of the Republican Party and the direction of American…

CAUSE OF DEATH REVEALED: DOLLY PARTON

Fans around the world were left stunned by reports surrounding country music icon Dolly Parton, whose remarkable career has made her one of the most beloved entertainers…